Conflict Resolution for your ADHD Family with Dr. Tamara Rosier #245
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Parenting with ADHD for ADHD is difficult. I mess it up a lot. I apologize a lot. I’m working on it. And I bet you are, too.
For ADHD Awareness Month, we’re talking to a new ADHD guest expert every week. Today’s episode holds conflict resolution skills for our parenting tool belts.
Our guest, Dr. Tamara Rosier, is founder of the ADHD Center of West Michigan, where she and her staff work with individuals with ADHD (and their families) to learn strategies and develop new skills to live effectively with ADHD. Dr. Rosier is also the president of the ADHD Coaches Organization. She is a popular conference and keynote speaker, is a frequent guest on podcasts, and has published numerous articles about living with ADHD. She lives in West Michigan.
In this episode, Dr. Rosier and I talk about different types of thinking, finishing big projects, how we can use our strengths to be most efficient, and where we can ask for help to make our lives easier. We dive into her new book, You, Me, and our ADHD Family, and she shares some great tips on resolving conflict in ADHD families.
Let’s chat about parenting with Tamara as we dive into parenting strengths and nurturing relationships over tasks for a happier ADHD family.
Find Dr. Tamara Rosier here:
Instagram: @dr.tamararosier
Facebook: @BrainNotBroken
LinkedIn: @tamara-rosier-phd
You’re invited!
It can feel super intimidating to show up to a party where you don’t know anyone. Well, I don’t want that fear to keep you from finding your people.
I want to make this super low risk for you to come, try it out, and get a sneak peek before you join our ADHD mom community.
You’re invited to the next Successful Mama Meetups Open House!
Join us on Zoom on November 6th to body double for the first 30 minutes, then hangout and meet the other moms in the community for the second half. (Hint hint, we’re pretty amazing IMHO.)
No charge, no pressure. Just come hang out!
Let me know you wanna come right here and I’ll send you the zoom link.
And since it's on Zoom, everyone can come no matter where you live. Self-diagnosis and ADHD-curious moms welcome.
It’s time to hang out with other moms who get you and make you feel like you’re at home. So come in your comfy clothes and let’s hang out! See you soon!
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:00:00]:
And a lot of ADHD people are stubborn. They're like, I'm not going to apologize. Well, something I would say is in our family, we prioritize relationships. So what do we need to do to repair this? And then the last step is reconnect.
Patricia Sung [00:00:14]:
Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy? You can't figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family. I get you, mama. Parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life, creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well. At the end of the day, we just wanna be good moms. But, spoiler alert, you are already a great mom.
Patricia Sung [00:01:04]:
ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess, mama. You can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story, and I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to Motherhood in ADHD. Hey there, successful mama. It's your friend, Patricia Sung. It's ADHD Awareness Month and look at me. It only took me 5 years on the podcast to pull together a series for ADHD Awareness Month. Just so you know, it is never too late.
Patricia Sung [00:01:34]:
Every episode this month will be a new guest expert on the field of ADHD. I am so honored that these powerhouses are here to share with you. So let's dive in with today's guest. On today's podcast, we have Tamara Rozier. She has written one of my favorite books on ADHD. Don't tell anyone else. It's called Your Brain's Not Broken, and I was so excited that she agreed to be on the podcast today. By the time this episode comes out, her next book will also be out, which is called You, Me, and Our ADHD Family.
Patricia Sung [00:02:08]:
And Tamara is such a treat. She is someone who really understands ADHD because she has it. She has kids that have it, and she has spent her life dedicated to teaching people and coaching people and encouraging us that your brain's not broken and that you are made how you are made. And that doesn't mean we don't we just, like, abdicate responsibility. No. We're still gonna do stuff about it. But we're going to do it with love and compassion and take care of ourselves so that we can live really well with ADHD and show up as the parents that we want to be. Doctor Tamara Rosier, PhD, has been a professor, a college administrator, a leadership consultant, a high school teacher, business owner, and ADHD coach.
Patricia Sung [00:02:52]:
She is the founder of the ADHD Center of West Michigan, leads a whole team in caring for people with ADHD, and is here to share with us that same spirit of we can make things happen, and we can enjoy it along the way. So let's dive in on this conversation that we had about the gamut of dealing with big projects. Like, how do you keep up with overwhelming big projects? So these tactical things, but also the nurturing side of being a mom and how do we nurture these relationships with our kids and show up as the kind of parent that we wanna be? How do we raise kids who are great people and also still wanna talk to us when they're 30? I love bringing you moms who are a little bit ahead and have kids who are grown ups so that they can show us, like, there's hope. There's hope for your child. We talk about that today too. There's hope for your child who you look at and you're like, oh my goodness, how are you gonna be a human later in life? Like we're falling apart here, people. There's hope. Things get better and how we can lean into knowing ourselves and taking care of ourselves so that we can have really wonderful families, not just now, but in the future as well.
Patricia Sung [00:04:00]:
Let's welcome Dr. Tamara Rosier to the show. How are you doing today, ma'am?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:04:05]:
I'm doing great. Thanks for having me here. I really love your show.
Patricia Sung [00:04:10]:
Thank you. I am I'm like I'm so shocked. I'm like, whoop, we're here, because I read your book several years ago, and it's one of my favorites. Don't tell anyone else. When it comes to ADHD, specifically for the way that you speak to the acceptance and loving who you are. But you don't sugarcoat, like, that these aren't problems. Like, the beauty in the balance of accepting who you are and actual real-life strategies that you could use. And being responsible.
Patricia Sung [00:04:43]:
Right? Yeah. Like, we're just music to my heart. So the fact that I'm here with you today makes me very excited. I'm holding my book up for you can't see me, but I'm holding my book.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:04:51]:
And she's talking about your brain's not broken. Yes.
Patricia Sung [00:04:54]:
Your brain's not broken because you're gonna have a whole pile of books one day.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:04:59]:
I don't know. They're hard to write, my friend. I'm exhausted. But,
Patricia Sung [00:05:06]:
you know, I I have toyed with writing a book, and I look at the process, and I'm like, woah. This is a lot of work. Anyone with ADHD who who publishes a book, I'm like, wow. Yeah. That's amazing. I'm not trying
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:05:18]:
to brag here, but it is amazing, not because I'm a great writer, because it's so stinking hard. And can I just tell a quick story about this?
Patricia Sung [00:05:28]:
Yeah. Actually, I was like, I'm already bending my questions and talking about something different, so we may as well just go for it. You know?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:05:33]:
Oh, okay. Well and you you can say calm it down, Tamara. We don't wanna go there. I wrote this last book, you, me, and our ADHD family, when I had long COVID. And for anyone who's had long COVID, you're dumb as a box of rocks. I mean, dumb. Like, I'm like, dang, girl. She be dumb.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:05:51]:
And I was very, very sick for about three and a half months. And I was getting so sick where I was like, is this the rest of my life? Mhmm. And it was just so and, you know, I know there's argument over long COVID. What is it? Whatever. Whatever. It was horrible, and I had to write a book during that time. And someone asked Ari Tuckman one time, you know, Ari, what's your process when you write a book? And Ari Tuckman is a delightful human who doesn't have ADHD, and I love his work. And he's like, well, I just kind of sit down and write.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:06:27]:
So I imagine him just sitting down, do do do do do, writing. And for me, I'm like, And so I was like, well, Tamara, what's your writing process? I'm like, I have a really gross process. I eat a full meal, and then I vomit, and then I try to reconstruct the food on a page. And it's kind of like, you know, I go out. I'm reading research. I'm, you know, digesting the research, and then I'm like, how do I order this? And if you have ADHD, you know, sequencing ideas is very difficult. And so thanks for listening to that. That's
Patricia Sung [00:07:00]:
It it is. And it's not just that it's you're taking this very large idea and trying to distill it down into an organized fashion, but it's also a project that takes a very long time
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:07:12]:
Yep. To
Patricia Sung [00:07:13]:
accomplish start to finish. And we tend to be great starters and maybe not the best finishers. So how do you stay on top of these giant projects so that it's not like, when you get to, like, that 75, 80% where you're like, I just wanna throw in the towel. I'm done. I'm done. Through the end.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:07:30]:
Yeah. Okay. So this applies to everything I do. Right? And so ADHD people, we do get 80% of the way go, I think that's good enough. And so I happen to be not a good finisher just like any other ADHD person. You know how when you paint something and then you have to wash the brushes? Mhmm.
Patricia Sung [00:07:49]:
You
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:07:50]:
know, that's a painful part. Like, I don't wanna wash the brushes and put them back in the right place so I can find them the next time. I just wanna keep buying expensive brushes time after time. And so what I do is I've learned to take this is sounds so corny, but delight in that 20%. And so it's kind of a mind shift that I do. I'm just gonna use a stupid task of cleaning paintbrushes. Right? But I'm forever touching up paint around our house, it seems like. Right? And so I'm like, great.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:08:17]:
Look at what I just did. I'm so happy, but it's only 80% of the way there, and I'm feeling great about it. But you know what? I can feel even better when I wash those brushes and put them right in the right spot. Because guess what? Future Tamara and I talked about this in your brain's not broken. Future Tamara is gonna be so proud of me because I did it. And sure enough, I walk out to the garage. I looked for the paintbrush in the right spot, and it's there. I go, good job, past Tamara.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:08:45]:
And I know it all this sounds corny, but if you're in my head, it's so motivating to please my future self. I am a people pleaser after all. So that's how I push through the 80%. I'm kind of like, wow. I did a great job, and now I can really land this thing. So going back to the book manuscript by the way, you only write when you're working with a full service publisher. You kind of write the manuscript to 80%. But even getting there is hard.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:11]:
Right? You, Me, and Our ADHD family is, like, 230 pages. Okay? But it has more pictures, guys. But I'd hand it in, and I'm like, oh, this absolutely stinks. No one's ever gonna read this. I do kind of the ADHD thing. And I'm like, wait a minute. You have trusted editors, and books go through three levels of editing. And Revel is my publisher, and they're the ones that clean up and polish.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:36]:
And they make it pretty. And they're like, hey. Word choice here. This is a bit clunky. And so, you know, I try to give them a clean manuscript, but it's only 80%. So whenever I hand it in, I'm like, it's okay. I've got a Sherpa to help me the rest of the way. So the other thing I do with the 80 20 thing is I find a Sherpa.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:55]:
You know what Sherpas are. Right?
Patricia Sung [00:09:57]:
Yes.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:57]:
Well, explain it just in case
Patricia Sung [00:09:58]:
the person listening doesn't know.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:59]:
Sherpas live at the base of Mount Everest, and, what they do is there are some who help others climb the mountain. And Sherpas don't carry everyone's packs. You have to carry your own stuff, but they know the mountain. And so I use this idea of an executive function Sherpa to help me finish it. And so in the publishing world, those are called editors. But anytime we're working on other projects, I tend to kinda check-in with an executive function Sherpa. And you're like, who are those? Well, it could be a neurotypical spouse. I didn't marry a neurotypical spouse, so not him.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:10:38]:
I have a neurotypical daughter. I check-in with her a lot. She's also my office manager, so it's easy to check-in with her. I check-in with I have some son in laws who I'm like, hey. And it's just a 5 minute conversation. Hey. I'm I'm working on this thing. Here's my next plans for finishing it.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:10:55]:
What do you think about that? And they're like, yeah. That makes sense. I have friends who are neurotypical. It's just a 5 minute check-in just to check. And you know this from my first book. The 80% usually includes divergent thinking. That's why it's fun. But then the 20% is usually only convergent.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:11:13]:
Mhmm. That's why I check-in going, so I think I should finish it. Is this how you think you should finish it?
Patricia Sung [00:11:20]:
Yeah. I think that I had never thought about the distinction there of when we talk about, like, innovating and brainstorming and, like, creating. I mean, very stereotypical statement. Not everybody's like this, but many of us are good at that stuff. Yep. And then when it comes to the end, that last 20% is the detail work, the editing, the spell check, the cleaning the brushes, putting them back where they go, all of those little, like, detail cleanup things. We're like,
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:11:46]:
That's exactly it. Well, in Your Brain's Not Broken, I talk about the difference between divergent and convergent thinking. And divergent thinking, it can be rigorous for us, but it's our playground. And divergent thinking is when, like, you take one idea and you're just exploring it. You're just putting pieces together. You're rearranging it. There's no right answer. But especially that last 20% is convergent.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:12:11]:
Meaning, there's a right answer and you need to find it, and it's boring. Like, there's no really divergent way to clean a paintbrush that's also efficient. Like, I can do some kind of Rube Goldberg kind of thing, but that's not really going to help. So yeah.
Patricia Sung [00:12:27]:
And noting that, like, when you are asking a Sherpa for help, they are not climbing the mountain for you. Right. You still gotta climb mountain.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:12:36]:
Yep. I still have to do this, but I'm asking people who've gone up the mountain a couple times. Mhmm.
Patricia Sung [00:12:41]:
By the
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:12:41]:
way, I watch neurotypical people. Oh, it's so easy for them to do executive functions. Mhmm. It's ridiculous. And sometimes I feel like they're flaunting it. They're not. They're just using their brain. But I'm like, wow.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:12:55]:
You just really showed off your executive functions. I'm a little uncomfortable with that. And then I realized that's just how their brain works. So yeah. It's to
Patricia Sung [00:13:04]:
me, it's like similar to the feeling of, like, when I watch little kids run around and they have no shortage of energy, and I'm like, I wish I had that little energy. It's the same thing like, I wish my brain just put paintbrushes away. That would be great. Can you bottle it and sell it? I'm in.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:13:21]:
There are sometimes. So those of us with ADHD, we tend to prefer divergent thinking. Right? Divergent thinking, going in many directions, seeing relationships, all that. And it's funny because we can look like geniuses. Like, if we time it right and we're in a meeting and we're like, well, what if this? And people are going, woah. That's amazing. But if we're doing what if this every 2 seconds in a meeting, we're just annoyed. And we need to sit when we're working with others, and this is what I see ADHD people not doing, is know when to, like, embrace that divergent and know when to calm it down and do the convergent.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:13:59]:
And there are sometimes when I'm in a meeting and it's a convergent task that everyone in the meeting has to do. And in my mind, I'm like, cool. I'm gonna be quieter and let the people with good executive function skills I'm still here. I'm still present. I'm still responsible because I'm a grown woman. But I'm like, they're playing to their strength right now. I'm gonna let that happen. So I let executive function shine when when I'm in the room.
Patricia Sung [00:14:27]:
How do you think that you build that skill to be able to recognize when is it time to be like, Jenna, look at this cool idea. And when is it time to be like, oh, let me pause and survey what's going on here? How do you develop and, like, strengthen that muscle?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:14:41]:
That's a really, really good question. I'm an ADHD coach, and a lot of ADHD coaching works on doing that. I'll be really honest. I became aware of it because I was irritated working with ADHD people who wouldn't get out of Divergent. And all of a sudden, I had the realization like, Tamara, that's what you do too. And so, you know, one of the things I talk with my clients about is anytime you're frustrated with someone, think about how you actually do that trait too. Like, maybe you're frustrated because you're doing the same thing. So but ADHD coaching does help with it.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:15:15]:
And now that, you know, I wrote a book with that in it, I should probably be more responsible and do it frequently. And remember, we're talking, like, before 7 PM. Because after 7 PM, mom's off duty. Not literally. I will still take care of loved ones. I just don't try to pretend I have executive function skills.
Patricia Sung [00:15:34]:
Yeah. It I'm like I'm I'm like, am I running down this hill or am I reining it back in? Nope. Okay. I'm a stay on track. Okay. Because I it's whenever I interview, I'm like, oh,
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:15:46]:
what about that? Oh, what about that?
Patricia Sung [00:15:47]:
And it's like again, same moment where it's like, I could run with this diversion thinking, and sometimes that's where the best conversations come out. And then sometimes I'm like, oh, but we do have a limited amount of time
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:16:02]:
that we're hearing. Yes. That is great awareness self awareness right there. And you literally I kinda saw it on your face. You had to go, okay. Okay. Follow this divergent bunny trail. Or guess what? I had a plan, Convergent.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:16:16]:
Should I go back to that plan? And that's kind of what ADHD people have to do all the time. It's balancing.
Patricia Sung [00:16:22]:
Because when we when you were saying about when someone's doing something that annoys you, looking at that Mhmm. Seeing, like, is that something that I need to look at how I
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:16:32]:
Yeah.
Patricia Sung [00:16:32]:
Interact with that same skill or situation? Yeah. Like, we were talking before we started recording the whenever somebody has a big reaction to you or even a little reaction, that's a reflection of their perspective on the situation. It's not a reflection on me, which I'm like that's where I'm like, okay. Well, I wanted to talk about, like, emotional regulation and self regulation, all that. I'm like, okay. I I'm gonna transition here from the 2. It's like that moment where you realize that their big reaction is not a reflection of you. Mhmm.
Patricia Sung [00:17:01]:
When we are then annoyed by somebody else, it's usually a reflection on us. And that's often a place where we can make changes if we are prepared to.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:17:11]:
Or was it like
Patricia Sung [00:17:12]:
like, when I specifically think about, like, being a mom, and there's things that our kids are doing that are annoying us, or frustrating us or feeling overwhelming to us. That's a reflection on me and my experiences that this thing that they're doing, whether it's they're over here, you know, tapping their pen 400 times and like, Like, Medusa moms comes out. Like, that's a reflection on me, and I'm getting irritated by that stimulus. And it's not
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:17:36]:
Yes.
Patricia Sung [00:17:37]:
Them. That's on me. So, like, one of the things I wanted to ask you as a mom whose kids are older and you look back, how did you deal with those things when your kids were younger and life was different, but harder, but in a different way? I feel like all stages of motherhood are hard. But when there's those little things, your kids are just driving you bonkers about. How did you step back and not lose your cool on these tiny people?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:18:03]:
We're we're tiny people.
Patricia Sung [00:18:05]:
So Do you have wisdom?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:18:07]:
Yep. Barely. But, so my latest book, You, Me, and Our ADHD Family talks about just that. So you just did a brilliant kind of summation of the book. The first part of the book is get yourself together. Part 1 is starting with you. Part 2 is ready for the rodeo. Because I think having ADHD in the family is, like, a little bit like a rodeo.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:18:32]:
In fact, my first chapter is called welcome to the goat rodeo because it feels like a drunken goat rodeo sometimes. And I start the introduction to the book by confessing a couple things. And so both of my parents had ADHD. They were divorced. No surprise there. Right? Two ADHD 19 year olds who got married. This isn't rocket science. And both of them this is hard for me to say out loud because I I don't wanna be disrespectful, but both of them really failed at parenting and left bad marks.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:19:04]:
And so I opened the book with that, but then I remembered a specific time and said, I wanna do this differently. And I remember being 7 years old going, I want to do this differently. Well, I flash forward to a time when we were all getting ready for this great amusement park. You know, I'm getting everyone in. I get the baby in. I have 2 other kids, and I finally pulled into the parking lot, and I'm exhausted already because I have ADHD. And that was a lot of, you know, just getting people out of the house.
Patricia Sung [00:19:33]:
Yes. It's a triumph.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:19:35]:
And I hear from the back seat, uh-oh, which you know, uh-oh is like the mom's like, I'm sure there was a mom listening who just threw up a little bit in her mouth hearing that. Right? Going, uh-oh, because it's never good.
Patricia Sung [00:19:49]:
Praise yourself. What's incoming? Yep.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:19:51]:
And I said, what? She goes, I forgot my shoes. And I remember crying, and I was sad because I felt like I was failing as a mom. And so the whole book kind of comes out of me trying to do it better, wanting so badly to do it better, but I had ADHD. I was tired all the time. Kids take executive function. And I had a shoeless kid in the back seat that now I knew had ADHD too. Like, it was all a bit big at that time. And I remember saying mommy's not mad, mommy's not mad, as I'm crying, mommy's not mad.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:20:27]:
And I wish I could go back. By the way, this kid has read that chapter, and she's really an awesome kid now. She the shoeless kid turned out great, guys. So have hope.
Patricia Sung [00:20:38]:
There's hope. There's hope.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:20:39]:
There's so much hope for shoeless kids out there. But she's like, mommy, why are you sad? I'm like, I'm not sad, honey. I'm just tired and frustrated. And I'm telling you that of a time when I didn't succeed because there's so many moms out there feeling like they're failing constantly. So I'm going to tell you the big deal of parenting, and it's the number one thing. It's relationships. You can fail at a lot of stupid things, like forgetting to put shoes on your kid. And, I mean, technically, it was okay for me to assume she had shoes, but you can fail at a ton of those little things, but always make relationships a priority.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:21:16]:
And so when do the relationships happen? They're happening all the time. And so in the book, I say, you know, it's not surprising that we have problems and conflict That's predictable. How we resolve the conflicts, that's where the growth happens or can happen. Now back to my family of origin, there was no resolution. There's a lot of screaming, shaming, all that, but no resolution. So in the book, I really explore, like, how do we resolve? And so, you know, I worked out a way to debrief with my kids. And by the way, this isn't just for parents. This book's for anyone in an ADHD family.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:21:55]:
And so if you're like me, you have a really dysfunctional family of origin, that's okay. Still read the book because you'll get your boundaries in place and how to respond. If you're a mom just trying to figure it out and you have shoeless kids walking all over the place, it's for you too. But it's really for anyone who has like, one person read it who her sister has ADHD, her sister and dad. And she read it. She's like, I feel like I understand how to respond better.
Patricia Sung [00:22:22]:
The mom who's listening right now, like, the 3 of us here, we are doing this hard work of looking at how things went in your family. And not to say that necessarily it was all bad.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:22:33]:
Right. Not everyone has that.
Patricia Sung [00:22:34]:
Not everyone does. But then looking at your family and being like, how do I do better Yeah. By my kids? Yep. Knowing that my ADHD is in the mix, which means there was probably some up up in the tree somewhere. It came from somewhere. Yep. And there's a good chance that our kids, if they don't have it, they're in a family of people who do. So they're going to be affected by it somehow by being nearby.
Patricia Sung [00:22:57]:
And how do we start changing the tides on these? Like, I look at them as, like, generational changes. Is that all the work that you and I and you listening are doing right now is shifting the way that your family deals with the stress of having ADHD in the mix. And every single thing that you are doing matters. Like, on the times where you feel like it's not making any difference, it is. The little things are adding up. You're making progress. The days that are terrible, you can go through this, you know, the resolution and coming together, but everything that you are doing matters.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:23:34]:
But this is hard work as long as you're tending to the relationships. Mhmm.
Patricia Sung [00:23:38]:
You know,
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:23:39]:
I do a lot of parent coaching. And the parents who've lost their ability to walk with their kids didn't nurture a healthy relationship. And I can't state this enough. Like, I get it. Life is busy. There's all these executive functions to take care of. Oh my gosh. The laundry you have to deal with.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:23:56]:
Right?
Patricia Sung [00:23:57]:
It never ends. It never ends.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:24:00]:
In the socks, where do socks go? Right?
Patricia Sung [00:24:03]:
Mysteries of the world.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:24:04]:
In in the laundry socks. They go everywhere. So all of this is a lot to deal with, but it's the relationship. And so it's not that we don't expect, like, especially just talk about moms. Moms to lose their minds and go, for the love, stop tapping your pen. But to come back and go, hey. I apologize. That was on me, and I'm not in a good place.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:24:26]:
So I'm gonna put myself in time out for a few minutes, and I really hope you forgive me for that because I love you, and I want a relationship. And you keep talking about relationship, and I'm telling you, and I know this for a fact, when those kids get to be critical ages where they can go out and do whatever they want, if you have that relationship, you still have influence and you have love. And I work with a lot of parents who love their kids, but they have so much anxiety. They don't have a real relationship with their kids, and they're missing out on some beautiful kids. Yeah. And it's heartbreaking. So always always. And when you're a parent, bedtime is like this woven in time for relationships.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:25:07]:
Right? And it's when the our ADHD kids kind of unwind anyway, sometimes meltdown. But if we are doing bedtime, we're like, that's where we show we're there. A funny thing that my the shoeless kid, I'll just call her shoeless kid from the story. She's 28 now. But she said to me about a year ago, she goes, mom, I used to think you had a beautiful singing voice. And she goes, I don't anymore, but it was really comforting when I was little. And it's because I would sing songs to her when she was sleeping or, you know, going to sleep Yeah. To come.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:25:41]:
And it was it's just a really funny thing. She's like, I just thought you had the most beautiful voice in the world. And if you've ever heard me sing, I don't. It's so it was so comforting. And so it kinda built that relationship. So my kids are 31, 30, 30, 28, and 22. Sorry. And I'm really pleased to say we have strong relationships.
Patricia Sung [00:26:06]:
So when we think about, like I mean, you mentioned having that, like, repair time and resolution time when things don't go well because they are going to not go well many times. Yep. And, like, bedtime can be a really great connection point. Mhmm. What are the other ways that we can like, if we're struggling with this connection with our kids, what are some other ways that we can start to sow into that connection point with them and turn this around if we feel like, oh, man. I'm totally feeling at this. What can I do, like, today?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:26:35]:
Yeah. So here's the thing. You don't have to like, it's the process and how you do things in life. It's not taking Kit out on a special date. It can be, but it's really just how you live your life. And I'm sorry I keep referring to my next book, but in You, Me, and Our ADHD Family, it's all about this part 2 is all about how do you do these things? In one chapter, I talk about what do you do when feelings get hurt? Because there's big feelings. And when there's ADHD in the family, there's big feelings around. What do you do to make it okay again? And a lot of ADHD people don't know how to make it right again.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:27:11]:
And so I teach adults and children how to do 3 things, reach, repair, reconnect. And ADHD people kinda wanna skip. And so first of all, reach is I'm gonna reach out to you. Hey, Patricia. What happened between us isn't how I wanted that to go. Can we talk about it? That's a reach. And we teach kids to do the reach. I kinda had a meltdown.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:27:32]:
Can I talk about it? Right? That's a reach. And we wanna teach everyone in the home to do a reach, and we wanna teach everyone in the home to understand a reach and not to be a jerk about when someone's reaching. Now it's okay to go, hey. I see you're reaching out. I'm not ready yet. I can be ready tomorrow morning. Is that okay? Right? So we you know, just because someone reaches, you don't have to accept it immediately. The next part is repair.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:27:56]:
What do we have to talk about to fix this? Do I need to apologize? And a lot of ADHD people are stubborn. They're like, well, I'm not going to apologize. Well, in something I would say is in our family, we prioritize relationships. So what what do we need to do to repair this? And then the last step is reconnect. And reconnect is now can we spend time back together? Can we be in harmony again? And a lot of families don't do this process. They just go back to reconnecting. Hey. I brought you some ice cream, like a piece offering, and that's gonna get the reach and repair done when really we wanna do those 3 purposefully.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:28:33]:
And so the idea is as you do that, you're building stronger relationships. Right? So so that's one technique in the book that I talk about. I also talk about, like, how to make decisions together as a family. There's different techniques for that. So yeah.
Patricia Sung [00:28:49]:
So to, like, sum that up, it's not like we have to, like, come up with a 17 step plan. I'm gonna do all these things, and I'm gonna be a different person tomorrow. No. We don't know. We don't have to show up differently and be a whole new person tomorrow. The way we can do this is in the little things that are happening
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:29:07]:
in how how we do things.
Patricia Sung [00:29:09]:
In how we do them.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:29:10]:
And it's usually around how what we do when we screw up. And we teach everyone in the family, it's okay not to be perfect, but we own up to when we're not perfect and we value the relationship.
Patricia Sung [00:29:25]:
Have you ever been invited to a party and you realize, like, you weren't gonna know many people there? And so then you, like, dread it all the way going up to the event or you talk yourself out of it so you don't go. Because it's scary to put yourself out there in a situation that, like, what if I don't like them? What if they don't like me? And it feels stressful. Well, I don't want you to feel that way about hanging out in this community, mama. So I am hosting an open house, and I want you to come and meet all the mamas so that you know what kind of people we are. PS, we're great. And that you feel comfortable joining in this community. Because if you are thinking about joining successful mama meet ups or thinking about joining the retreat, I want you to know that these are your people, and what better way to do that than to actually meet the people. So come join us at our open house.
Patricia Sung [00:30:17]:
We are hosting an open house in Successful Mama Meetups on November 6th, and come meet the moms. Hang out. See what it's like. You'll get the feel for, like, who are these people? What's the vibe? Do I wanna hang out with them? Yes, you do. It's gonna be so fun. So come hang out with us. So it's totally no charge, free 99. Come hang out at successful mama meetups on November 6th.
Patricia Sung [00:30:41]:
Our meetings are on Wednesdays. They're at 12:30 EST. Go over to my website at patriciasung.com/openhouse. It's all one word, o p e n h o u s e, and sign up for the link so that you get the Zoom link. I mean, it's all virtual, so anybody can come anywhere in the world. See what time it is on your time zone, and come join us for the first 30 minutes. We hang out and get stuff done. So I have help there for, like, how to plan your week, or if you're just like, I just need to get some stuff done and the body doubling helps, do that.
Patricia Sung [00:31:15]:
Like, there's no wrong way to show up and do stuff at successful mama meetups. Did you get something done? Great. That's what we're here for. Okay? So that's the first 30 minutes, and then the second 30 minutes is social time where we hang out and we make it fun. You actually want to show up to the body doubling because you get to hang out with your friends, and meet people who understand how your brain works, and you feel at home. So come join us November 6. Sign up at patriciasung.com/openhouse, and I can't wait to see your face. And if you are listening to this after November 6th, still go over to that link and see when the next one is.
Patricia Sung [00:31:50]:
I think I'm gonna do this again. I'll see you then. Okay. On to the episode.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:31:56]:
Something in the book I talk about, and I just wanna mention it here, is overfunctioning and underfunctioning. Mhmm. And I will say this because I think there's a lot of moms out there who are overfunctioning for their families. And what overfunctioning means is you're doing more for the person than what's necessary. This is a hard one to navigate because you have ADHD kids, and they can look very helpless and frankly just stupid sometimes. Right? But okay. I'm picking on the shoeless kid today. She when she was in, I think, 7th grade, she's like, oh, I wish I knew how to fry an egg, but I don't.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:32:33]:
And so her sister, who was in 2nd grade or 1st grade, would go, I'll do it for you. But you have to watch me because mom doesn't let me do it alone. She would sit and watch her younger sister prepare a fried egg for her. Now that's an example of overfunctioning and underfunctioning. A little kid should not have been frying an egg. This was happening when I was at work, by the way. And the under function was like, well, I can take advantage of this situation. No.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:33:00]:
Shoeless kid did it on purpose. Not everyone under functions on purpose. Sometimes they just do it because they're they don't want to. And so we wanna be careful about overfunctioning and underfunctioning as a mom. So a boundary I have to guide myself is I'm not going to do for other people what they can do for themselves. And when I say this to parents, they're like, oh, well, that sounds mean. How do how else do I show people I love them? By solving problems in a healthy way, by telling them you love them, by speaking their love language. But when you do things that they can do for themselves, you're allowing them not to develop skills.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:33:37]:
And I'm even talking about husbands. You know, the ones who go over the refrigerator and go, I can't find anything.
Patricia Sung [00:33:43]:
Mhmm.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:33:44]:
And you're like, let me just do it for you. So just wanted to say that to a couple moms over there. Usually, moms don't under function, especially the ones listening to this podcast. I'm guessing you care a lot about mothering and you might be overfunctioning.
Patricia Sung [00:34:00]:
How do we start to separate out when we are by we, I mean me. Me, I'm a perfectionist. I'm a recovering perfectionist. I've made a lot of strides. But when you are someone who is who leans towards perfectionism
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:34:11]:
Yeah.
Patricia Sung [00:34:11]:
And yet you don't want to overfunction for your family, How do we start to pull apart?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:34:16]:
Like Yeah. Oh, but
Patricia Sung [00:34:18]:
I really want it done my way. I really want it done this way. Yes. It's only gonna be good enough if it's executed like this. How do we start to pull it apart and allow ourselves?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:34:27]:
Wow. You are nailing the questions today. That is a great question. And I I'm sorry to keep talking about the new book, but you're really, like, hitting the things I wrote about in the themes.
Patricia Sung [00:34:36]:
I'm like and I haven't even read it yet.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:34:38]:
I know. So Oh, no. And, you know, you'll get your copy and but, one of the things I wrote about is whenever there's a family issue, we wanna classify it in 3 categories. Okay? I assigned animals to the category so you can remember it.
Patricia Sung [00:34:53]:
Okay.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:34:53]:
So the first category is toxic, and so the animal for that one is a scorpion. Right? And you just can't be around a scorpion. It's too dangerous. And I talk about the flat tailed yellow scorpion, you know, that will kill you and blah blah blah blah. Right? That's truly toxic. And so you need to know if this is a toxic situation. Not a lot of families are dealing with truly toxic. They're dealing with sometimes the next category, noxious, and the animal for that is skunk.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:35:24]:
Skunks are cute little furry things who have a noxious odor, and you don't really wanna be around that odor. It's gross. Right? But you can work with a noxious situation. Right? Like, when the skunk sprays, you can be out of there. Right? And the last category is peccadillo. And I don't know if you know the word peccadillo, but peccadillo
Patricia Sung [00:35:45]:
you know, I thought it
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:35:45]:
was a normal word when I wrote it, and people were like, I don't know what that word is. I presented this one time at a conference. They're like, we've never heard this word. And the Spanish people told me I was saying it wrong. I'm like, no. No. No. It's a British word, and it means, like, little sin.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:35:58]:
Like, just little dumb things, like leaving cabinet doors open. And the animal for this one is armadillo because it has nothing to do with the animal. It's just people are like, are you talking about the animal? I'm like, no. Pecadillo is the little sin. Armadillo is the animal. So I just put those together in my book. They
Patricia Sung [00:36:14]:
are pretty cute, though, those little armadillos. I live in Texas, so we have you'll see them walking around, like, the side of the street.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:36:20]:
I they are kinda little cute little archer creatures. Odd odd odd looking things.
Patricia Sung [00:36:24]:
They are strange. Weird rodent come you know, like, this looks like a kid drew it when they're like, combine 4 animals into 1. It looks like that. They're weird, but they're kind of adorable.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:36:33]:
Okay. And that's what a peccadillo is. Wow. I wish I'd talked to you before I wrote the book. That's a great way to put that. So, so what happens is we have these peccadillos in families, and I wrote a whole chapter about one of my husband's peccadillos. Personally, I think it's the funniest chapter because I was so irritated with him. Now he's he's written off on this chapter.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:36:52]:
It's he's all okay. But here's my husband's peccadillo. He washes his hands at the kitchen sink. Great. I like personal hygiene. Good job, honey. Except the next step drives me nuts. He doesn't reach for a towel.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:37:05]:
Oh, no. He starts shaking his hands and water splashes all around the kitchen. And I'm telling you, back to your perfectionism, I'm like, water doesn't belong on a window. Yes. And I'm always drying that window. Mhmm. The the stayed around window gets weird because he's whipping water on it. Right? That's a packadillo.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:37:26]:
It's a tiny sin. Right? Now I've done this presentation before, like, 500 people, and women will come up like, you shouldn't give up the fight. You should fight him for that. Make sure he uses a towel. I'm like, you guys didn't listen to a darn thing I said. The whole point with understanding it's a peccadillo is that's on me. I really want it done differently. But then I'm like, it's drops of water.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:37:50]:
It's not acid. It's not melting countertops. It's water. It's a stupid thing. By the way, his other peccadillo that I didn't write about because I just really can't even remain. I like I'm like, whoop, it's a peccadillo. When there's sauces, like, he'll scoop, like, in spinach dip and then use the same chip, this is crazy guys, in salsa. And and he's mixing the 2 together.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:38:13]:
Right.
Patricia Sung [00:38:14]:
But then you get one dip and the other
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:38:15]:
dip. Exactly. You understand the issue. But here's the thing, I can't elevate peccadillos to a moral issue. Yeah. You hear my perfectionism coming out a little bit? So for those of you who are recovering perfectionists or aren't even recovered yet, you would have to be able to see that's a peccadillo. And I know that I load the dishwasher correctly, but I am going to allow other peccadillos because I want the dishwasher loaded. Yes.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:38:44]:
And now, you know, if it's a situation like many families, kids will shove everything into it because they don't wanna have to wash anything. You know, that's worth a discussion because that's not about perfection. That's like, hey. When you overload this, nothing gets in line. Yeah. Right. And so now we have to do it again. We do it again.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:39:02]:
But that's a problem we can solve. Mhmm. The 2 peccadilloes my husband does, I've been married to the guy for a very long time. He's not changing those. And you know what? He is a good husband to me. He's a good father. When I focus on the peccadillos, I take my eyes off the relationship. And so I have to keep a peccadillo a peccadillo.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:39:22]:
ADHD people don't close covered doors. I don't know if you knows notice that.
Patricia Sung [00:39:26]:
It's not it's not one of my finer skills.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:39:29]:
Right. And so, you know, I have peccadillos that bother him.
Patricia Sung [00:39:34]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:39:34]:
And so I give grace to him for his peccadillos, and I want grace also. So speaking to the perfectionist, where there's perfectionism, there's no grace. And so really start to go back to yourself and go, wait a minute. I am so and and people tell me, like, no. But I just can't. It's like, that's on you. That's not on your kids. So, yeah, I hope that answers your question.
Patricia Sung [00:39:58]:
No. It does. Because I think we forget sometimes that, like, perfectionism comes back to being able to prioritize, which is hard for us. So when we're looking at, like, is this a peccadillo or is this, like, skunk level?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:40:12]:
Yeah. Like, not just
Patricia Sung [00:40:14]:
really gotta deal with this problem. But yet it's very it's stinky. Being able to prioritize what matters most here knowing that that's like, okay. Maybe that's not my bank best skill. So how do I look at my value system and our family value system and see, like, what matters more here? Is it more important that my dishwasher got loaded, or is it more important that it got loaded the way that I want it to? Yeah. And for some people,
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:40:40]:
it's funny you're saying this. That's in the book too, and I'm laughing because you haven't even read it yet. Okay. So clearly you're on point with this book.
Patricia Sung [00:40:47]:
I'm just gonna say.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:40:48]:
Well, actually, you're doing a great job because we're right on the same level. One of the exercises earlier in the book is, what are your values? And then I ask parents if they're married to go, you know, what are the values we're trying to instill in our kids? And it can't be 5. It can be 1 or 2, and then all the others are gonna give away. And parents are really mad about this. They're like, I think we should be able to do 5, because I do a lot of parent coaching. And
Patricia Sung [00:41:13]:
Mhmm.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:41:13]:
I asked this question. But it's like, no. We gotta focus on 1 or 2. You're gonna teach more, but that's gonna be more through osmosis. You're you're gonna teach 2 intently. And so what are they?
Patricia Sung [00:41:25]:
And is that, like, through the whole, like, parenting journey, or does it that you have shifting values as they age and
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:41:30]:
Shifting values as they age. Here's what I find. Families, with one family, I did kind of a family crest, which is a very nerdy exercise. I talk about nights and kids really get into it. I'm like, well, what would go on this family crest? And so everyone has to have some of the same family things, but then you get to add your own unique thing to it. And so a lot of families really do have one family kind of thing. Mhmm. And usually it's one value that kind of acts as the umbrella for the other values underneath.
Patricia Sung [00:42:08]:
Mhmm.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:42:08]:
Does that make sense? Yeah. I'm thinking of one family who, kindness. I mean, this family just oozes kindness. Right? And it's the umbrella for a lot of other values that are tied to kindness. But I can tell this family has just, like, how are we kind people? And they're delightful to work with.
Patricia Sung [00:42:30]:
Yeah. And when we remind ourselves, like, when we say we want one theme or value, we're not saying that all the other ones are not important.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:42:38]:
No. It's saying we can't you're gonna have conflicting values. Mhmm. And now, I'm thinking of myself. So all my kids are very hard workers. Now I have some kids who are millennials and one's a z. And one of my kids said to me she's such a smart aleck. She's like, you know what? You know why I'm so successful as millennial? I have a work ethic, and all I have to do is work.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:43:03]:
And people are like, oh my goodness. You're blowing it out of the water. And she's like, I'm not doing that special. I'm just working hard.
Patricia Sung [00:43:11]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:43:11]:
And I'm like, yeah. That's what happens. You were raised by a Gen Xer who's like, yeah. By the way, I may confess something. My motto to my kids I'm not terribly proud of this, but they remind me a lot. I'm a Gen Xer. My motto to my kids was, life's hard, get a helmet. And, I'm not terribly proud of this, but you have to know I was I was a mom who would protect my kids.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:43:36]:
But if you forgot your violin, and I work 30 miles away, I'm not gonna come home, run your violin to school. I'm going to ask you to figure out how to fix that problem. And I'm gonna work with you. I'm gonna scaffold it with you. I'm not gonna take responsibility for that problem though. Yeah. It was right by the door. We did all the night prep.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:43:54]:
Yes. So, you know, it's kinda funny because I didn't do that without love. And I wanna be clear. I didn't do it without love. Yeah. It wasn't like, oh, just figure it out. It was you have to own this. How do we figure this out together?
Patricia Sung [00:44:07]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:44:08]:
But even as over function.
Patricia Sung [00:44:10]:
Yeah. Because even as grown ups, like, sometimes I forget things. Yes. And then I gotta figure out what I'm gonna do. So this is a life skill that we need to learn.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:44:19]:
Exactly.
Patricia Sung [00:44:19]:
Sooner than later. Look. You're not gonna remember everything. So how can we get you the skills to know? Like, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna panic? Are you gonna expect somebody else to fix it for you? Like, what are we gonna do about this? Because even I as a grown up like, the other day, I was heading out to an event and my husband's like, hey, can you take this trash bag out with you on the way out? Because we'd like done the, like, the fridge laying out where you take all the stinky foods out. And so it's all in a separate bag. He's like, can you take that out? I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Patricia Sung [00:44:42]:
I'll grab it on my way out. Did not remember that trash bag. And I came home, and my husband left the trash bag there. Mhmm. I said I would do it. Like, yes. Could he have taken it out? But it was their mind, like, oh. Yep.
Patricia Sung [00:44:54]:
Definitely forgot that. But you know what? I'm sure my husband was probably rolling his eyes when he saw that it's a trash bag on the counter. But, like, it's okay. I just then took the trash bag out and was like, okay. Well, I need to do it differently next time. I should have put it by the door. When I put things by the door, they usually go with me. Yep.
Patricia Sung [00:45:09]:
But it's it's okay. I don't have to panic. I don't have to profusely apologize about the trash bag.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:45:14]:
You're gonna fix the problem.
Patricia Sung [00:45:15]:
You fix it. But our kids need to learn that skill when there's low stakes.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:45:20]:
You know, there was a wonderful moment in our family. You know, we have a caboose kid who's 7 years younger than the next oldest. And there's one time we were on vacation. Evidently, they couldn't find a beach ball to play with, so they were using her as a ball and throwing her in the pool. And my husband and I were, you know, inside, and all of a sudden this, you know, wet 7 year old goes stomping past us. And and the kids are running after her, you know, grabbing their towels. And one of the kids says, let us try to fix it first. I'm like, great.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:45:50]:
Because, you know, they were older. I mean, one of them was even in college. Right? Mhmm. And so I've eavesdropped like any good mom does. No. Just joking. I eavesdropped on the conversation. I was so impressed because as they were talking and problem solving, it came out, you know, the 70 year old was just feisty mad.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:46:09]:
And they're like, we didn't know you weren't having fun because you were laughing. And then one second, you weren't. We didn't know. And then so the oldest said, could we come up with some kind of sign for you to tell us that you're not having fun? Now here's the funny part. That 7 year old had a really bad speech impediment. And, yes, it was my fault. She's my last kid. It was too cute.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:46:31]:
I never corrected it. And so she would say, this is not fun for me. And that was the cue where stop. And we still say it as adults. This is not fun for me. But it came out of this wonderful problem solving moment.
Patricia Sung [00:46:46]:
Yeah.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:46:46]:
And so when you teach kids to problem solve, they start to do it on their own. Instead of having a conflict where I had to come in and go, you guys are jerks. I wouldn't have said that, but, you know, they problem solved, and they developed a deeper relationship because of it. And we go around saying this is not fun for me all the time. Other families who are friends of ours still say it too. This is not fun for me.
Patricia Sung [00:47:08]:
So Okay. I have, like, 4,000,000 questions I would still wanna ask, but I need to I had to pull it together here. Okay. So before we do our lightning round, because I'm like, there's I'm over here furiously scribbling notes, and I'm like, oh, nope. I bet I gotta wrap up. Okay. Before we do our lightning round, where can the moms find you? Tell us about the book. When this airs, it'll have just come out.
Patricia Sung [00:47:27]:
So tell us about it. And then what else? Like, how can they connect with you?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:47:31]:
Yeah. So my first book is called Your Brain's Not Broken and available wherever books are sold. And the second book, you know, I'm really geeked about the second book. Again, it hasn't come out yet, so I don't know how it's received yet. Hopefully, you know, hopefully, it's well received. But it's called You, Me, and Our ADHD Family, and it's really written to help families learn to love each other better and really cherish each other. You can find out about me at tamara rosier.com. I run the ADHD Center of West Michigan, and that's at www.miadhd.com.
Patricia Sung [00:48:09]:
And I think that's it. Yeah. Well, lightning round questions. All you have to do Okay. Is fill in the blank. You don't have to give any explanation.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:48:16]:
Just Got it. Love it. Listen.
Patricia Sung [00:48:18]:
K. Number 1. The best thing that I've read or listened to recently is?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:48:22]:
I read The Keeper of Lost Things by Ruth Hogan. And I love reading novels. And when I say read, guys, I mean listen to, while I'm doing the yeah. Mundane boring task.
Patricia Sung [00:48:35]:
Number 2. My most boring about me fact is?
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:48:39]:
I'm just kind of like I don't I have bland music taste. Like, you know how some people have jazzy? I just have like blah music taste.
Patricia Sung [00:48:47]:
Number 3. When I'm having a rough day, my go to quote, song, poem, book, podcast activity, whatever is.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:48:54]:
Watching funny dog videos. I'm not gonna lie. That's I do I do tapping, EFT. Yes. But sometimes when I just need a little pick me up, I watch funny dog especially if you can make it to the dog talk. It just cracks me up every
Patricia Sung [00:49:10]:
time. Number 4. Don't tell anyone. I
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:49:14]:
Oh my gosh. I have a total zoo in my head. So this isn't a well kept secret because I talk about it, but I actually make myself laugh. Like, in my head, I'm cracking jokes all the time. I'm doing bits in my head, and I don't think it's normal. I think but in my head, I'm hilarious.
Patricia Sung [00:49:34]:
Number 5. If I had a magic fairy wand for one spell, I would.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:49:39]:
I would do the ridiculous spell. When someone is just spouting ridiculous, stupid, hateful things, I'd be like, ridiculous, and I'd make them stop.
Patricia Sung [00:49:50]:
And last one, number 6. My best piece of advice for mamas with ADHD is
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:49:56]:
Okay. I'm gonna say 2. Be kind to yourself because you're modeling that for your kids, and always go after building solid relationships.
Patricia Sung [00:50:05]:
Thank you so much for being here. I so appreciate it. I'm I just adore your book. And I'm like, I didn't even finish all my questions. And one of the things I wanted to say was thank you for your battery analogy because I use it all the time. Oh, great. Like, when we're monitoring, like, our energy levels and comparing it to the phone battery percentages, like, it it comes out of my mouth a lot. And so thank you.
Patricia Sung [00:50:26]:
Oh, good. It is a beautiful picture that I use. But knowing, like, everyone needs to go read. Your brain is broken. You need to go read the new book too. Tell me the total one more time.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:50:36]:
You, me, and our ADHD family.
Patricia Sung [00:50:39]:
Because we need more mom. Like, I don't I don't I try not to boss too much because, you know, we don't like being told to do. Right. But I think we all need moms who are a few steps ahead of us to give us the good advice, not the the, like, reminiscent, I forgot all the terrible things that happened advice, but the, like, true hard stuff that we need to hear and so that we're able to determine those things that, like, really matter versus the picadillos that we can let go. And when we have people like that in our lives, it's so much easier to stay focused on what really matters. So thank you so much for all that you do for us as an ADHD community, but also as moms. I so appreciate it, and I thank you for being here.
Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:51:21]:
Well, I love your podcast. You're doing good work too. So thank you.
Patricia Sung [00:51:24]:
For more resources, classes, and community, head over to my website, motherhoodinadhd.com.